We have a week before Christmas. That in and of itself is stressful enough. However, for families that are separated for the holidays, there can be an added feeling of loss and sadness. Finances could be tight as you struggle to support a household with a single income instead of two. Attempting to balance two family schedules could be seemingly impossible. However, here are some mantras to take a beat and observe the different, but new traditions this year.
It builds character
Controlling the holidays while dealing with a breakup or divorce may not be possible. Taking your mother’s or grandmother's advice (as annoying as it can be) can shift your thinking that when changes occur instead of feeling victimized by the uncontrollable, feeling that you are strengthening your character can help change your perspective on this disappointment. Further, children observing how you deal with disappointment is an excellent example for them as they journey through this transition.
Embracing my flaws, shielding against judgment
The first holiday with friends and family can result in other’s opinions on your life post breakup/divorce. Everyone will have opinions on your relationship, your children and your overall life. No one is perfect, and there may be shortcuts taken or days that are worse than others, but those instances are not flaws but unique traits to you and your story. Ignoring other’s opinion on your life whether at the dinner table or on social media is exceptionally important in life especially going into the holidays.
Presence over presents
The first holiday post-divorce/breakup will result in tight finances especially if you are in the middle of a divorce. However, embracing time with your children and family should be emphasized over expensive presents. Choosing presents that result in activities that can be shared like boardgames, and crafts could be valued much more than the toy that is quickly forgotten. Do not feel guilty over not being able to provide certain expensive gifts. This is not the priority for this holiday, and that is okay.
You can do anything, but you can’t do everything
The holiday goes by so fast and is even shorter being divided between parents. There are many opportunities to enjoy the festivities when the children are off school. However, prioritizing what activities to do this year can make these activities more memorable and assist in keeping the budget down this time of year. Always remember the value of a good holiday movie with hot chocolate – these activities can be memorable while also low stress for you!
Inhaling self-love, exhaling toxic energies. I am enough.
Holidays are fast paced but take a minute to breath and think about inhaling the good and exhaling the bad. This should help lower your shoulders and relax you to enjoy these short special days with your family. Ignore the tendency to compare your experience with others (including your ex) and remember you are enough because to your children you are!
To you all, we at Smith & Smith Law Office wish you a happy holiday and a great new year! Please remember selfcare provides the solid foundation to care for your children. Transitions are not easy, but hopefully these mantras help you get through these beautiful and challenging days. For more help to make future holidays dispute free, call on Smith & Smith Law